Lessons from the Kiln

As the remaining hours of a turbulent semester of teaching wind to a close, I am in a reflective state of mind.  What was the purpose of this hectic, exhausting, emotion-filled semester of teaching and personal struggle?  What was God teaching me through the midst of chaos, frustration, and grief? 

And as I reflect, I am gently reminded to pray.  To commune with my sovereign Lord.  God recalls to my mind that He is my true portion.  He was my strength when I was completely unable to press forward and teach.  He was my comfort when I felt like a complete failure.  He reminded me over and over again that I am always clothed in His righteousness and not my own.  And ultimately that this feeling of displacement that I experienced so frequently this semester was because this world is not my ultimate home. 

I love these whispers of love when I bow my head in prayer.  These are what keep me moving forward.  Sitting at his feet and drinking in His Word...that's what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other.  This reminds me of all He has taught me in these soul-wearying months.  How I know Him as my God so much more intimately than I did before this semester in the kiln began.

Ultimately, I don't definitively know what the purpose of this semester was, yet it has reminded me and humbled me and drawn me to the Lord who is my true portion in this life.  He is my joy.  He is my hope.  My delight is in Him.  It's so easy to forget this when the pressure mounts and expectations rise all around me.  And it's so easy to forget this when I fail.  And this semester has felt like the semester of failure.  But as I close the final page on this semester on Sunday evening, I do so not in defeat, but in victory.  Victory, because my Savior lives and He has redeemed me as His own.  And because He used a rough semester to sand out some very rough edges in me and draw me closer to Him, my truest portion in this life.

So with rejoicing, I will enter into this next semester and glorify Him with my moments.  He is the strength of my heart and my portion forever (Psalm 73:26). 

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